Now that you’ve got all of the equipment ready, pull out the turkey (you did remember to buy the turkey, didn’t you?) and your cooking oil - lots and lots of cooking oil. You’re going to need about 5 gallons (20 quarts!) of cooking oil — peanut oil works great at higher frying temperatures. How much oil depends on the turkey; to check, put the turkey in the pot you’re going to cook in, and cover it with water (2″ over), then remove the turkey and measure the water. That’s how much oil you need.

Do you marinate the turkey? Do you stuff the turkey? Do you bread the turkey? Yes, no and maybe so. Marinate the turkey for at least 6 hours if you can, or consider injecting it under the skin with marinade for extra flavor. Stuffing is a simple no; cook it in the oven as a side dish. Breading the turkey is up to you, but it’s a lot of hassle, and you can’t be sure the breading won’t blacken long before your turkey is cooked to a turn.

Now, how long to cook him? Once the oil has heated to at least 350° (no higher, though), figure at least 3 minutes per pound (and try not to go bigger than about 15 lbs). It’s surprising that a turkey cooks that much faster in oil than in an oven, so don’t add in an extra 15 minutes just “in case.” Put him in the basket or on the rack you bought and carefully put him into the oil. When you’ve reached the point at which you think he might be done, pull out your instant read thermometer (you do have one of those, don’t you? Every grilling guru should!) and check the internal temperatures. You want 180° at the thickest part of the thigh, and 170° at the thickest part of the breast.

Now, sit back and enjoy the accolades!